These are old “you name it, i’ll paint it” posts from the pahardcore messageboard. All images credit “FireBikeMullets” — that’s an old handle, not sure what his current one is.
I found them archived on thepahardcore wiki, which might be my current favorite website. It’s basically a wiki recounting the social history of the philly hardcore scene, specifically the part of it that revolved around pahardcore.com. It’s kinda sparse now, though – I’d like to see it get much more filled out.
Anyway, without further ado…
A pickle standing at a urinal, getting penis glances from an adjacent 10-year-old with severe acne and elephantitis of the left arm, while a WWI veteran practices yoga in the background with his only remaining leg. while wearing a kilt.
billy crystal having sex with a fat oprah while his hair turns to snakes and she spits fire out of her nipples and all four of their legs are being humped by half-dragon/half dog monkeybots.
Hellen Keller and Xbox vs Crhistopher Reeves and Timmy from Southpark in a tag team cage match with dinosaurs.
Batman riding a unicycle almost nude…only the mask on.
A football game between the zombies from Thriller and a bunch of dudes wearing corpse paint. The game has to be played on a minefield while it’s raining stillborns.
How about a video store that carries nothing but Pauly Shore movies being knocked down during a battle between the Statue of Liberty gone lesbian/lumberjack versus Robo-Richard-Nixon being operated by a lobster that looks a little bit like R Kelly.
The Rape scene in deliverance played by Brian Peppers and the Elephant man.
God himself doing his sick fatality on a stunned, unexpecting sub zero.
draw a group of sexy young mycologists playfully observing a strange, undiscovered mushroom poking up from in front of John Holmes’ grave…
Paint me (in profile) on top of a plane holding onto excalibur (sword) while wearing one boot and a pegleg. and making out with carole-line Shritless but brawny (her shirtless too) while shipwreck from GI joe is looking on while roasting rabbits over an open fire. from one of the windows. Have the sun and the moon in the sky and william s burroughs on a freestyle bike with wings doing tricks in the background with adolph hitler is riding on the back pegs.
fred durst getting his teeth kicked out by a chocolate chip cookie. and the cookie has a hitler mustache.
React a world war two scene but make the nazis robots and make the allies baseball players while it rains vaginas. Also, make sure they’re fighting in a disco.
A Marshmallow Peep sticking a hot roast pork sandwich up a female Peep’s yellow cunt
Brittney Spears getting an abortion on a lawn chair by Jesus with a bunch of goth kids in the background getting eaten by a giant rock lobster
paint a lion eating shadows.
a member of the taliban getting pimp slapped by larry the cable guy AND struck by lightning in the bum while jesus is riding a gigantic iguana into an enormous bowl of chocolate pudding that actually turns out to be diarreah but the iguana breaks his leg and jesus falls into the big bowl.
JFK’s murder re-enacted … only the people have to be dolphins. JFK played by one famous person of your choice. His wife is to be drawn as a Pepsi can. his bodyguards must be silverware (forks, knives, spoons). JFK is being played by that Paul Sr. douche bag from american chopper.
mario and luigi kicking the shit out of sonic and tales, as donkey kong took a shit in princess peach’s face while link smokes crack in a tree.